Rapture

After teaching his ABD year in Arkansas Southern Man polished off his doctorate and kicked off a fourteen-year tenure at a professor at a mid-sized Christian college - his own alma mater, and that of his ex and both parents. And that was the year that 88 Reasons Why The Rapture Will Be In 1988 came out.

Not one professor or administrator at this profoundly conservative, Bible-thumping, evangelical college believed a word of it. The only real action taken was that we were all called into a meeting and given pointers by one of the psychology profs on how to effectively work with concerned students and parents. And that was when Southern Man began to understand the problems created by religious crackpots; to get the attention of the press you must be fairly nuts, so only nuts get the attention of the press.

So Southern Man's activity today to prepare for yet another Rapture was to treat himself to a long afternoon nap. Why take chances? Now well rested, he will head out to The Land with a load of construction material and will work and fish and cook and relax until well after dark, unless the predicted thunderstorms chase him off. Why not? Our Lord was a carpenter and hung out with fishermen and according to at least one account rather enjoyed cooking over an open fire as well. And it's also written that He had little fear of storms.

But if you need comfort from the Good Book...

Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man comes.
- Matthew 25:13

And if that didn't help, here's Rapture by Blondie: