The Grill

Southern Man gets his kids for the next two weekends, so he's been planning some activities. And high on his list is to pick up an inexpensive grill somewhere and have a backyard cookout.

Long-time readers may recall that Southern Man rates his ex as one of the finest cooks in the country, and her culinary skills at the grill are without peer. Southern Man was more than content to keep out of her way, watch in admiration and then feast upon the results. So rather unlike most southern men, Southern Man has to learn this particular skill at a fairly advanced stage of life.

Having already purchased condiments and buns and meat and watermelon, Southern Man was committed. So he and his teenage son (hereafter referred to as Grill Boy) headed to Home Depot, where we found a heavily discounted, this-is-the-last-one charcoal grill on display. It was kind of beat up and a bit rusty but the price was hard to beat, so we grabbed that grill and charcoal and lighter fluid and a cheap set of utensils and Grill Boy began to earn his new title by hauling said grill out to the truck and then we headed back to casa Southern Man.

And after Grill Boy hauled the grill to the back yard we made the rather belated discovery that our new grill was missing...er, the grill. You know, the stainless-steel grid upon which the hamburgers and hot dogs rest while basking in the rays of the charcoal underneath.

So Grill Boy did his thing and back we went to Home Depot and Grill Boy did his thing again.

Well, the helpful fellow at the return desk checked his computer and said, hey, I show fifteen of these things in inventory. So he sent his minions out across the lands and after a good twenty minutes or so said minions finally found the grills on an encap somewhere on the distant shores of the store. So Southern Man and Grill Boy ended up exchanging the old, beat-up, rusty (and therefore heavily discounted) grill for a brand-spankin' new one. And at the same price - straight-out exchange. Hard to beat, that was!

So Grill Boy loaded the new grill and again we made haste to casa Southern Man. And Southern Man openly crowed about his good fortune to obtain such a nice new grill for such a bargain price. And then we arrived at our destination and Grill Boy opened the back hatch and that new grill fairly leaped out of the truck. And in tumbling and clattering across the unforgiving driveway both of the plastic handles on the new grill were crunched into itsy bitsy pieces. And it picked up a dent or two as well.

Southern Man stood in disbelief as he stared at the shattered remains of his new grill.

"Oh, the irony!" quoth Grill Boy over and over as he hauled the wreckage to the back yard.

But broken handles and dents did not diminish the ability of the now busted and dented grill to adequately contain and ventilate the appropriate amount of charcoal. And it was a beautiful evening for a backyard cookout. And Southern Man indeed proved worthy to wield the tongs and spatula and we feasted on grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and s'mores (and watermelon!) and a grand time was had by all.