Shotgun Acquisition Rules

Southern Man has three children. Southern Man's automobile has one front passenger seat. As you can imagine, this leads to almost daily strife. Thus, the Official Southern Man Shotgun Acquisition Rules:

Shotgun cannot be "called" under any circumstance. This differs sharply from most shotgun rules such as those listed at, say, shotgunrules.com, which is mainly devoted to rules on calling shotgun, not acquiring it.

These rules do not apply if there is another adult in Southern Man's company. Grown-ups get automatic shotgun.

These rules apply to any vehicle Southern Man might happen to be driving, regardless of ownership.

If only one child is present, that child sits shotgun.

If two or more children are present, the child who initially sits shotgun is determined by the date:

1st, 4th, 7th, and so on - youngest
2nd, 5th, 8th, and so on - middle
3rd, 6th, 9th, and so on - eldest

This rule applies only to the initial ride of the day.

If the child corresponding to that date is not present, shotgun rolls to the next eligible child.

Eligible child is defined as follows:

For all children who entered the car at the same time, the next eligible child is the next oldest child present. The eligible child following the oldest child is the youngest child present.

If children enter the car at different stops, the next eligible child is the child who has been riding passenger the longest. In other words, children who enter the car after other children are already present (from previous stops) go to the back of the rotation for shotgun.

At every stop in which all passengers exit, shotgun rotates to the next eligible child.

At any stop in which some passengers remain in the vehicle:

If the child sitting shotgun elects to stay in the car, that child retains shotgun.

If the child sitting shotgun exits the car, shotgun rotates to the next eligible child.

A consequence of the previous rule is that at any stop at which one or more children are already in the vehicle and additional children are picked up, the child sitting shotgun can retain shotgun. In other words, a new passenger can never forcibly usurp shotgun from the current holder.

Any child with a guest never sits shotgun but rides passenger with their guest. The only exception to this rule is if the number of guests fills the passenger seats; in this case Southern Man's child can either elect to ride shotgun or appoint a guest to do so.

Shotgun is not a right, but is a privilege that can be granted or revoked at Southern Man's whim. These decisions are final and are not subject to argument or appeal. Cries of "That's not fair!" or "I haven't had shotgun for a week!" will fall on deaf ears.

Thus endeth the Southern Man Shotgun Acquisition Rules. The actual duties of shotgun will be revealed in a later post.