Southern Man

Thursday, October 07, 2010


Well, this is an odd post that arose from a conversation with some female co-workers in which they haughtily concluded that Southern Man, a single with no woman to "take care" of him, must subside on fast food, Chinese takeout, and cold pizza.

Without mentioning that in Southern Man's last LTR he did pretty much all of the cooking, here's his diet since the beginning of the workweek:

Breakfast: Cereal with a nectarine and milk, fruit juice.
Snack: Chocolate muffin, diet soda.
Lunch: Hamburger-and-noodle casserole (OK, Hamburger Helper), diet soda.
Snack: Brownie, hot chocolate from Starbucks.
Dinner: Beef-and-green-pepper fajitas, tortilla chips, salsa, and a beer.
Desert: Dark Chocolate Lindor Balls.
Breakfast: Cereal with a banana and milk, wheat toast with apple butter, juice.
Snack: Banana bread, diet soda.
Lunch: Beef stew, diet soda.
Snack: Hot chocolate from Starbucks.
Dinner: Salad (romaine, green onion, bell pepper, croutons, peppers, dressing) and a beer.
Dessert: Handful of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms.
Breakfast: Chocolate muffin and a diet soda consumed on the way to a one-day conference.
Snack: Cookies and juice at the conference.
Lunch: Taco Bar at the conference, more cookies, water.
Dinner: Freshly-made chicken and rice with a mixed drink (Diet Sprite and Triple Sec, if you must know).
Dessert: Handful of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms.
Breakfast: Steak, eggs, cinnamon-raisin toast with apple butter, juice.
Snack: Chocolate muffin and diet soda.
Lunch: Beef stew, diet soda.
Snack: Dark chocolate Snickers, hot chocolate from Starbucks.
Dinner: Leftover chicken and rice and a salad with a beer.
Dessert: Handful of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms.
Well, as you can see Southern Man's night job at the local community college (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday) typically includes a visit the Starbucks in the student center which is conveniently located only a few steps from his classroom. Monday night's brownies were a surprise provided by an older female student; Southern Man is usually cautious of student-provided food but these were both unadulterated and delicious. The Lindor Balls ran out Monday evening so it's M&Ms for dessert until a trip to the store. Pretty much everything listed was homemade during the weekend when Southern Man cooks and bakes a week's worth of meals and other goodies - last weekend it was muffins, the casserole and a terrific beef stew. Southern Man is a firm believer in the hobbit practice of "second breakfast" and usually takes banana bread or a muffin to work for a mid-morning snack. His taste in adult beverages runs to Mexican beer and his 'fridge is usually stocked with Corona, Cantina, Pacifico and Tecate with occasional appearances by Heineken, Red Stripe, Miller Lite, Carte Blanca, and Negra Modelo. He takes his one-beer-a-night habit seriously and keeps frosted glasses in the freezer and 'rita salt handy for the rims. For mixed drinks vodka, tequila, Triple Sec, and Grand Marnier are generally on hand. Southern Man isn't a wine drinker but past girlfriends attest to his talent for selecting good wine and there's usually a bottle or two in the wine rack - just in case.

[added later] And then teen daughter comes in late this evening tired and cross from work, pokes around the kitchen for a bit, and then complains "Why isn't there any ever any food in this house?" After a bit of discussion it turns out that her idea of "food" is a meal that (a) requires no assembly and (b) doesn't involve the use of the oven, microwave, or stovetop. Upon further inquiry this definition was refined to (c) something she can order at Chili's. Apparently Southern Man needs to add wait staff and a drive-thru to complete his kitchen.


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