Southern Man

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Six Rules For Dating Southern Man

Southern Man isn't a very experienced dater.

He counted up the other day and realized that, up to a couple of years ago, he'd been on ten first dates in his entire life.

Ten.

Well, before you write Southern Man off as a complete loser, we note that eight of those led to long-term relationships. With one first date that was not followed by a second (this was the girl that Southern Mother had picked out for him) and Southern Man's one-and-only one-night stand. Well, we went out a few more times, but there was only one night. So Southern Man has been in relationships pretty much continually from high school until a few years ago when the most recent LTR fell apart. Or collapsed into fiery ruin. Whatever. Which means that these last two years have been...different.

In that last two years Southern Man's been on about a dozen more first dates. And one second date.

One.

So, Southern Man has to learn to date again. But the marketplace is different. He's different. For one thing, he's not all that keen on dating anyway. But he does actually has some idea of what he wants in a relationship. So, here are the Six Rules for Dating Southern Man.

To get the first date, you must be slender and attractive.

Not slender? If Southern Man can haul his tired carcass to the gym three times a week, so can you. Also, see this diet post. Not attractive? There's a seventy-billion-dollar-a-year industry eager to help you out. Avail yourself of it. And if you're offended by that, too bad: girls screen (and reject) guys by attractiveness and physique far more vigorously than we do. You reap what you sow.

To earn a second date, you must on that first date present yourself as feminine and sweet.

And that right there is why Southern Man hasn't been on many second dates. The girls in his target demographic take great care and pride in assuring him how independent and self-reliant they are and that they have a house and a car and a job and don't need anything from him and that this is all about having a friend and going out and having fun. Well, at least at first. There's always that tease of "if things work out..."

Well, God programmed male DNA to (among other things) seek out a woman and care for her and protect her. Don't need a man to take care of you? Southern Man wonders why you are on this date. Trying to show off how tough you are? Don't you realize that men seek feminine characteristics in their partners, not masculine ones? Sadly, professional divorced women that have been on their own for a while have little choice but to adopt masculine traits or perish by the wayside. It really shows, sometimes. Southern Man sees lots women presenting themselves on dates with the (masculine) characteristics that they themselves seek in their partner, blissfully unaware that we could hardly care less about their income or job or car or number of square feet in their rent house. And they often project their "I'm a strong 21st-century woman" vibe with sarcasm (lots and lots and lots of sarcasm) and snarling and sneering and outright criticism. Do they have any idea how powerfully unattractive that is? Unattractive enough that Southern Man never called for a second date, anyway.

And, yes, "sweet and feminine" is more important than "slender and attractive."

So the last two steps are hypothetical, as no one has yet gotten past the middle pair. And if no one ever does, that's just fine; better to do without than to settle for less. But to be in a relationship with Southern Man (with the expectation that he will one day endow thee with all his worldly goods, et cetera) you must provide the two things that men seek most in their partners: emotional comfort and physical pleasure.

Men need someone to lean on, a little bit, at the end of the day, and let them know that they're respected and loved and wanted and needed and didn't screw up too badly that day and here's a hot meal and a beer just for you. And physical pleasure includes sex but there's a lot more to it than that. The mother of Southern Man's children gave the best footrubs ever. Southern Man made it through many a long day at work anticipating that particular treat. What do you have to offer your hard-working boyfriend at the end of the day?

And, yes, the promises of emotional comfort and physical pleasure are the most important of the six.

As the song says, how can Southern Man find a woman like that? And what does he have to offer that she wants in a relationship? Only time will tell. In the meantime he will continue to diet and work out and improve his live as best he can and (as an early commenter has already reminded him) seek out God's will and walk on the path He lights for me and not worry too much about dating for the time being.

12 Comments:

At Wednesday, December 05, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So I take it that your ex was a skinny little thing too. What matters is what is in the heart/soul/spirit. A beautiful face can often hide a dark and cold heart. Been there. Done that. Totally burned by the outer shell we live in. A pure heart toward God is all that really matters now.

 
At Wednesday, December 05, 2012, Blogger Southern Man said...

Southern Ex was a slender 'lil thang, and the best country cook in four states, and put a hundred pounds on both of us the first year. Southern Man is still paying the price, there; he'll never see his bachelor weight again but hopes to get within fifty pounds of it one day.

 
At Thursday, December 06, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So do you hear their biological clocks ticking? What about yours? Are you going to have more children?

 
At Thursday, December 06, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As someone who has known you for a number of years, I find your blog entries quite enlightening in that many of them illuminate parts of your life / personality that I knew but was confused about. This is one.

I understand that males have an emotional urge to "take care of " the woman in their lives. And that's fine with me. But you seem to interpret "take care of" to mean "take care of financially." So, a potential girl friend who has been a good money manager and has a good job, with a few bucks in the bank, is automatically eliminated? Even if she qualifies in every other way?

I knew your most recent two exes, and they were both financial sponges who left you in the sad financial state you find yourself in. Now I know why..that's the kind of woman you seem to want. If you find a third, beware. You might be sleeping in your car.

GP

 
At Thursday, December 06, 2012, Blogger Southern Man said...

GP knows more about me than I care to admit. It is certainly true that in the case of Ex #3 I was powerfully attracted by her need for someone to take care of her.

I was just reading another relationship blog this morning (Gateway Boyfriend) and the theme of the article was that we can't control what attracts us. It may well be that I'm attracted to the "wrong" kind of girl and should be a little more open to - well, how about financially and emotional stable professionals? Perhaps that would be better. Thanks, GP!

 
At Thursday, December 06, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three ex'es? Thought is was only two? Were you widowed?

 
At Thursday, December 06, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never, Never, Never give up!

 
At Thursday, December 06, 2012, Blogger Southern Man said...

This is probably more than anyone really wants to know, but...

The first marriage was while I was in school and lasted only a year and a half. No kids. Haven't seen or heard from her in twenty-five years.

The second marriage was to Southern Ex, the mother of the three Southern Children. Married sixteen years, divorced now for six. She's remarried, had another kid, lives about six hours away, and is now disabled (brain tumor). We get along fine as long as the child support check isn't late.

The third was a two-year relationship with an old friend, about half of that married and much of the "married" time, separated and in counseling. She was physically disabled due to a horrific automobile accident; I later learned that she had some serious mental problems as well. That one ended in flaming ruin. She still calls every now and then to accuse me of stalking or stealing or breaking into the house and re-arranging her kitchen. Every man should be in one LTR with a crazy woman; it provides considerable perspective.

 
At Sunday, December 09, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with what you've written and wonder why the women that have posted are so snarky. You've got more going for you than the average guy so why not demand a physically attractive woman that is at least somewhat feminine.

Problem is that I don't think that I'd trust any of them now days but that just me. Glad that you're at least willing to take the chance with them. Good luck and God bless

 
At Thursday, October 01, 2015, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like a whole heap of backward bullshit to me.
Your need for a woman to be financially dependant and fragile so she fluff up your weak self esteem will keep you in the circle you are in.
You will forever attract weak women wanting to take advantage of that and drive away women with enough self respect to be that strong partner you wish to lean on.
Drop the illusion man's biggest gift is his bank account and start looking to relate with people.
Peace y'all

 
At Saturday, August 27, 2016, Blogger brigitte belton said...

Ok I really like this guy..oddly enough he had my attention at hello.no joke..we are both truck drivers..so that sweet innocent part of me has to hides I done get run over out here. He disappeared on me already for four months once.he thought that my ex may still want me back..I was done with the 23 year relationship. I was ready to move on..
He then used a flash card to another driver hoping I was their instrutour and in the cab.. The driver called me asking who this guy was. He said his intention was to talk with me..I don't understand why he didn't just call or text.he had my number.
We finally just started talking after i texted him asking if he was thebsign holder. He said yes. I asked why he didn't call or talk to me. He said hevsisbt want to get i. The way of my ex.
Now I panic everytine he goes home to his son who is omg so cute. That he went call again.
He doesn't understand how I get nervous and worried when I don't hear from him especially when he drives tired or there is bad weather. So I am afraid it pushes him away. Totally not my intent.. I am truly concerned.
I don't know where he came from.but when he talks to me I get goose bumps..I can't stop thinking of how he touched me..I never wanted to leave work to be with someone but now I just want to go hone so I could possibly see him..he can tell me everything about the night we meet..
But according to you I am messing up big time.
I offered to buy him a ticket to spend time together on an upcoming trip he said no..it was not right.I just want time together alone no work no phone no cares..I wanted to include his son too but am afraid to ask...I wanted to just do it..
How do i fix all this?
I don't want to run him off..

 
At Saturday, August 27, 2016, Blogger brigitte belton said...

Ok I really like this guy..oddly enough he had my attention at hello.no joke..we are both truck drivers..so that sweet innocent part of me has to hides I done get run over out here. He disappeared on me already for four months once.he thought that my ex may still want me back..I was done with the 23 year relationship. I was ready to move on..
He then used a flash card to another driver hoping I was their instrutour and in the cab.. The driver called me asking who this guy was. He said his intention was to talk with me..I don't understand why he didn't just call or text.he had my number.
We finally just started talking after i texted him asking if he was thebsign holder. He said yes. I asked why he didn't call or talk to me. He said hevsisbt want to get i. The way of my ex.
Now I panic everytine he goes home to his son who is omg so cute. That he went call again.
He doesn't understand how I get nervous and worried when I don't hear from him especially when he drives tired or there is bad weather. So I am afraid it pushes him away. Totally not my intent.. I am truly concerned.
I don't know where he came from.but when he talks to me I get goose bumps..I can't stop thinking of how he touched me..I never wanted to leave work to be with someone but now I just want to go hone so I could possibly see him..he can tell me everything about the night we meet..
But according to you I am messing up big time.
I offered to buy him a ticket to spend time together on an upcoming trip he said no..it was not right.I just want time together alone no work no phone no cares..I wanted to include his son too but am afraid to ask...I wanted to just do it..
How do i fix all this?
I don't want to run him off..

 

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