Southern Man

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

A Comment On Marriage

Western women have been brainwashed their entire lives about what they’re supposed to want, and women don't hesitate to tell men what they think they want. It’s no surprise that men have come to believe what women are telling them. It’s in magazines, TV shows, movies, websites, romantic comedies - it's everywhere. The great tragedy of relationships today is that most men do not realize that what a woman says she wants, what a woman thinks she wants, and what a woman really needs are often three completely different things, and as a result has no idea what his woman actually needs from their relationship.

Now, what happens when such a woman obtains everything that she says and thinks she wants? Surprisingly (to men) she feels strangely unhappy and unfulfilled, and this confuses both herself and the others around her. After all, she has everything she (or any other woman) could have ever want, doesn't she?. However, when you recognize the effects of social programming on women, the unhappiness makes complete sense: she is completely out of touch with her own needs and, as a result, her man is focused on what she says she wants rather than what she really needs in their relationship. This is not the man’s fault, because she (and society at large) have constantly fed him well-intended misinformation, day after day, year after year, about his responsibilities and what her needs are supposed to be.

So what does the man do in the face of his woman’s unhappiness? He tries even harder to please his woman. He keeps doing what didn’t work before (because he thinks he's doing what she wants) and he does it with even more vigor. And what does this have the effect of doing? It renders him undesirable, even repugnant to her. She doesn’t understand it, so she chalks it up to "no longer being in love" or some other rationalization. The man becomes frustrated – he’s done everything in his power to make her happy, given her everything she’s ever wanted, and this is the result? And when the relationship ends he (and society, and in Southern Man's case even the Church) chastises him for "not giving her what she really needed." Sadly, none of the parties involved had any idea what that was.

But all is not lost because this can be a watershed moment – when he takes the red pill and is finally capable of seeing some truth about relationships in this world. And that is the bittersweet place in which Southern Man finds himself today; filled with regret for what might have been had he gained even the most elementary education in the proper maintenance of marriage relationships, with the knowledge and ability today to have far greater success in future relationships, but at an age where that is increasingly unlikely. Southern Man will probably wake up alone for the rest of his days, and that is a sad thought. But who knows what new adventures the next twenty or thirty years might bring? And that is an exciting speculation. To infinity, and beyond!

Inspired by this post at The Private Man.


At Tuesday, July 10, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so what is wrong with this rant....? You do not include GOD. People who honor and serve HIM with their whole heart and soul do not act like those in your stories. GOD will guide and direct you to avoid the pits. When in the pit...make lemonade, lemon pie, etc...

You need to find better christian women.

At Tuesday, July 10, 2012, Blogger Southern Man said...

We were (and are) life-long Nazarenes, deeply involved with the Church and secure in our spirituality. It didn't stop her from divorcing me. Indeed, there were women in the Church who actively encouraged her to do so. Worst of all, some of the worst marriage counseling I ever got was through the Church. It's the bitter truth that my church completely failed me in my greatest time of need.

At Wednesday, July 11, 2012, Anonymous Alicia said...

Why do you remain deeply involved?

At Wednesday, July 11, 2012, Blogger Southern Man said...

My focus is on singles and men's ministries so that the Church won't fail someone else in their hour of need.

At Wednesday, July 11, 2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like you are not over the divorce yet. Didn't you remarry after the 16 year one ended? Are you lumping them both together in your tirades against marriage and women? Take time to heal before entering another relationship. You also need to stop blaming your ex for the failure of the marriage. It takes two...with a lot of give and take. Some seasons one will give much more and get less then the opposite will happen but it balances out for the good of the covenant. You really do sound so bitter. If you keep at it the bitterness will rot your soul and nothing will help. How do I know....been there, done that. Let the joy of the Lord be your strength. You will get through anything the adversary has to throw at you.

At Wednesday, July 11, 2012, Blogger Southern Man said...

Oh, believe me, I acknowledge and own my part in that divorce. And, yes, I foolishly remarried an old friend. That was a complete disaster. And, yes, I am dealing with a little bitterness. Perhaps more than just a little. But right now I am just focused on my children and getting my own life back in order. And I'm pretty sure God's not done with me yet. Some pretty amazing things are happening with the ministries I'm involved with.


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